


Shattered

by stayzen (orphan_account)



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Cemetery, Dead Character, Goodbyes, Loss, M/M, Sad, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-06
Updated: 2019-07-06
Packaged: 2020-06-22 07:49:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19662955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/stayzen
Summary: Mark goes to the cemetery to say goodbye to Donghyuck.





	Shattered

The old iron gate creaks when Mark slowly opens it. A cold autumn breeze passes him as he steps into the cemetery area. It makes Mark shiver a little. It is always somehow colder in the cemetery than it is anywhere else.

Mark walks along the path between the headstones. In the summer the soft ground would slightly give in under his steps, but now it’s almost rock-hard due to the frost that’s been forming during the cold nights. The cemetery is quiet, almost eerily so. Mark can only see two other people stopped in front of some graves.

He’s clutching the bouquet of flowers in his hand tighter by every step he takes closer to the grave that he came to visit. It stands out from the others. There’s no headstone yet; it’s been only a week since the funeral. The burial mound is there, still decorated with the flower arrangements people brought during the funeral. The flowers are all wilted now and instead of looking beautiful, they just look melancholic. Mark wishes someone would have removed them already.

He stops in front of the grave. The grave that belongs to the person who’s Mark’s best friend, his boyfriend and most of all, the love of his life. Mark takes a deep breath. He’s trying not to let the destroying feelings take over just yet. He needs to do this.

“Hey Hyuck”, Mark says. He’s quiet for a moment, suddenly not quite sure how to continue. “I... I brought you flowers”, he then says, casting his eyes at the bouquet of sunflowers in his hand. They’re blooming and almost too bright-colored in this gray autumn day. “Sunflowers, your favorites”, Mark smiles sadly.

Mark moves even closer to the grave and with his free hand, he reaches to take the wilted flower arrangements off the burial mound. He tosses them into a pile next to it. Then he sets the bouquet of sunflowers on the burial mound, approximately to the spot where Donghyuck’s chest could be.

“They’re my favorites too, you know. Because they remind me of you”, Mark sits down on the ground. It’s very cold and hard, but he barely notices it. There are fallen leaves everywhere, the trees have already shed all of them and the ground is colored with orange, yellow and brown, mixed with flecks of green here and there.

“I went to your funeral”, Mark takes a breath. It’s getting shakier already, “But it’s almost like I didn’t. I can barely remember anything”, he casts his eyes to the sky for a moment. “I’ve been a mess. Still am. I can’t get out of bed, yet I can’t sleep either. This is the first time after the funeral that I leave the apartment...”

“And whenever I fall asleep, I dream of the moment when they called me about the accident”, Mark continues. He can already feel the tears burning behind his eyes. “How... how they said that you wouldn’t make it”, Mark takes another deep breath, “I tried to get to the hospital in time. I came as fast as I could, you know that right? I really tried”, the first tear rolls down Mark’s cheek, “But I was too late. I’m so sorry Donghyuck. I’m so sorry”, the last words come as a whisper after Mark’s voice breaks.

“When I got to the hospital, you were already... They asked me if I wanted to see you. I said no. I thought that I'd rather have my last memory of you to be when you were alive. But now I regret it. Because I would do anything to see you one more time”, the warm tears are now silently streaming down Mark’s face. He doesn’t even make an effort to wipe them away.

“They gave me your engagement ring. It’s on the nightstand at home, on your side of the bed”, Mark says, voice wavering with sadness. He looks down at his own hand where there’s a silver ring decorating his ring finger, “I haven’t taken mine off. I can’t. I don’t want to”

“Hyuck, we were going to get married”, Mark cries, “You were just about to graduate from university, and we were supposed to get a bigger apartment. We were supposed to save up money and travel the word. We were supposed to grow old and have a life together”

“Donghyuck, I love you so, so, so much. You’re my whole world. All I’ve ever wanted is you”, Mark chokes out between sobs, “But suddenly you’re not here anymore. And you’re never coming back”, his whole body is trembling at this point.

“What the hell am I supposed to do now?”

The desperation and brokenness exude from Mark's voice. His heart is in millions and millions of pieces. The constant sobs are making it hard to breathe and the cold wind is hitting against his wet cheeks. Mark lifts his shaking hand to wipe some tears from his eyes. Then he tries to take a deep breath but fails miserably. The lack of enough air is starting to burn in his lungs so he tries again. And then again. And again, until he finally manages to calm down enough to breathe properly.

“I’m sorry”, Mark whispers, “I didn’t mean to come here and be all hysterical. I can do that at home...”, he wipes his cheeks dry with his sleeve.

“I guess... I guess I came to say a proper goodbye. I mean, I think funerals and memorial services are usually meant for that, but I was so out of it then... And I really want to say thank you”

“Donghyuck, you are the best thing that happened and ever could have happened to me. You have made me so, so happy. I can only hope you know just how happy”, Mark says, looking up and blinking vigorously, trying to stop the next set of tears from falling, “Thank you for all these years”, he then whispers, with the most sincerity he has ever possessed.

Mark gets slowly up from the ground. His legs are shaking but he manages to balance himself. The wind whirls around him, even harder and colder than before. It snatches some leaves from the ground with it, flying them around for a moment before they land again.

“Donghyuck, I have no idea how to continue from here. I have no idea how to even start thinking about moving on. I have no idea if I can even survive from this. But I will try. For you. Because I know that is what you would want me to do. I will try my best”, Mark says, staring at the burial mound decorated with the single bouquet of sunflowers. He knows it will be only a moment and then the flowers will wilt again.

“I guess this is it then”, Mark then whispers, voice hoarse and broken. Tears are filling his eyes again, ready to spill from the corners of his eyes at any second.

“Just know that I will always, _always_ love and miss you. So, so much.”

“Goodbye Donghyuck”

Mark turns away from the grave. His whole world is completely shattered. But for Donghyuck, he will try to pick up the pieces.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry.  
> But thank you for reading! <3
> 
> Next story will be happier again!


End file.
